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Healing, What is it? Part 3:

I find it curious whenever I come across a “healer/helper” attacking those that attack him/her.  How come those “healers/helpers” won’t try and heal those that attack them?…. and not just those that come with smiles on their faces and being all “nice.”  I don’t think people are born to “attack” anyone.  Look at us as babies when we are born.  We are not born as murderers, charlatans, cheaters, etc, etc…  It’s the choices that we make, whether conscious or unconscious that guide our behavior, how we react to things that happen to us during the course of our life here on Earth. Those that are engaged in the habit of attacking, don’t they need healing “more” than those that come to a “healer/helper” with all smiles?  Aren’t they attacking because they are in pain and know of no other way to handle their pain except to attack those that they don’t agree with?  How come “healers/helpers” don’t realize that by attacking back, they are accumulating negative energy just like their attackers, and that what they are actually doing is no different than their attacker?  How is that “healing”?  Besides, if you want to stop a person from attacking you, why not do it in a win-win way, by emitting “healing” energy which is “positive” and maybe the attacker may indeed be healed from being sent this positive energy and thus stop attacking all together?  That way, the “healer/helper” won’t have to build up unwanted energy (which will be in their energy field by the way unless they consciously try and change that negative frequency), and the attacker may finally be “free” from the negative energy within them that led to their attacks in the first place, and maybe finally be able to start using their time to experience things like joy and fun, instead of anger and hatred.  After all, isn’t the role of a “healer/helper” to heal those in need, those in pain?

So many of us seem to be under the impression that those that physically look sick, or say that they are “sick,” whether it’s in the body, the mind or the spirit, are the only ones that need healing.  But if you look closely, there are those out there walking among us that can’t even recognize or even say out loud that they are “sick” and are hurting inside.  Such people usually “act out” their pain, their “sickness,” and so the only thing that you “see” is behavior that ends up creating pain and suffering all around.  I think those are the people that need help the most.  People who can come up to a “healer/helper” and say that they are “sick” and need help are at least half way there in terms of being healed.  At least such people can recognize there’s something wrong and they want to change that.  But those who can not recognize that there is something wrong inside or that their thinking or behavior is hurtful to them and to others… well, those are really “lost” aren’t they?  But in most cases, people, whether it be “healers/helpers” or non-”healers/helpers” won’t see it that way… and instead, do what most people tend to do when attacked — protect their own self interests.

With the increasing pace of the world that we live in, I think you will see more and more “lost” people — people who can’t speak out or recognize that they need healing — being “drawn” to people who are claiming and saying that they are “healers/helpers”… just like a moth to a flame.  My only hope is that those who are standing up and actually saying to the world that they are “healers/helpers” truly recognize what helping and healing means, and help those that lack the ability to recognize their pain or simply can not speak out.  Those that act out of their pain by attacking others need help the most.

Sea Of Lights

Past Lives

I don’t think there’s such thing as “past lives” per say anymore.  What do I mean by that?  It’s just a matter of which direction on the time line that you emit (usually unconsciously) your energy towards and you uncover the things that you want to see.  I used to think of past lives as simply that– a phenomenon that exists on its “own,” but as I once heard a friend say to me, calling something as “past lives” just makes it easy for us to comprehend and “deal” with.

Tinkerbell Heart

Reaction

Why is it that when we feel as though some one dissed us (for example), we react with emotions that are from the “category” of negative emotions? Who taught us that?  If you can sense energy, which includes being able to know and see past lives, then that means that you have the capability to freely shift your own energy frequency, thus react in which ever way that we want.  I know it’s because we have “files” which are thoughts in our head that tell us how to react… like a knee jerk reaction.  But why keep on doing it?  Why be fixed in emitting the same old pattern (ie: emotion) to certain things that happen to us… like being told you’re the most horrible things in the world.  If someone cuts us in line waiting at a grocery store and we get angry… well, don’t we have the option of reacting in ANY way we want?  Been thinking about that, in terms of energy.  How do I go about in finding out how I can emit and thus react in any way that I want?  What to do with accumulated memory which triggers particular emotion, which then creates a particular reality, which in most cases is the same pattern as before because the response is triggered from a past life memory, whether it be “past” in this life or in other life times.  What to do with past life memory.  Even if you don’t recall your past life, you are being affected by it.  Your current behavior is a build up of all the experiences that you’ve ever had, thus your response is similar to that way that you’ve reacted before.  Then how do you change?  An understanding of something which you couldn’t have understood before when you went through a similar situation in the past.  That seems to be the only thing that you can do to change… though you could will yourself to emit a different set of emotion… would that work?  Maybe knowing that you can emit any frequency, thus create any reality you want is key.

Human “Function”

For some reason, humans have decided to see themselves as being separate from all other “beings” that have “come” here on Earth.  We see ourselves as separate from so called animals and so we butcher them, rape them, make them go extinct, and finally we are making ourselves go extinct too.  Isn’t the reason why we have so much pain as a collective is because those who “inhabit” and go inside the body of so called “humans” don’t know how to function as humans?  How come other “animals” know how to function as who they are when we having the ability to do so much “more” than other “animals” in the form of altering our environment, don’t know how to live as “humans”?  How is it that a being possessing so much capability as to being able to alter the environment in which it lives can’t figure out who they are?  I think it’s linked with how you have people born as natural leaders, like Lenin or anyone who rise to fame in this world and become well known… for some reason, most turn out losing themselves and drowning in their own power.  Even those that rise to fame and seem like they are living what they write about or speak about aren’t living it in their daily lives… it’s all for the purpose of increasing their status and wealth.  All they are doing is selling “techniques” that they discovered through their ability/gift.  Some claim spirituality as the basis of their work, yet when you look closely, you see the “structure” of their “spirituality.”  It’s all money based and driven by self satisfaction when on the outside they keep on saying it’s to help those in need, to help someone recover from suffering, whether it be in the mind, the body or the “spirit.”  Aren’t those people there to make us see our ways?  It seems that’s their role, to reflect back to us how we don’t know who we really are, our capabilities or our “powers” to manifest reality that changes our world, our environment.  Yes, such people will live a life of physical comfort, but what of their energy, which they must carry on and live with even after leaving their body in this life?  When we die, we can’t take our bodies, our house, our money… we only have energy left, which we all are.  If you lived a life where you amassed such great power by becoming something which humans are NOT, what kind of life will you have next, and the life after that… what kind of twisted energy would you create in your energy field when you live a life of lie… lying to yourself about who you truly are as a human?

“Laws” — Key to Happiness

Just as there are “laws”/truths about Earth and nature, I think the same can be said about humans too.  But most of us have forgotten about how to regard and treat humans… the self.  Looking back on these past few months and my whole life, I now see that I’ve been evaluating and judging and adjusting my thinking process based on what others outside of me thought… and not me, not with my own thoughts.  Like Christmas… here in North America, most homes put on shiny lights outside the home.  But no home owner is going to stand outside for the entire duration that the lights are on.  Only those that pass by may glance for a moment or two, and it’s left on for the whole night or turned off just before bed time.  Someone once came up with the idea to decorate homes with Christmas lights… everyone caught on, and to “support” that “norm,” people add to their Carbon footprint.  Do we truly need Christmas lights to survive?  Aren’t we at a point where if we don’t pull on our “horse” like one of the Native elders said, then we will get to a point of no return and there will be great pain… ’cause nature/Earth has no mercy.  It doesn’t “need” humans to survive.  It will go on.  But humans are polluting it, hurting it… hurting our own “home.”

It’s kind of hard to break the habit, especially if you’re prone to feeling left out and want to “fit in” with everyone else.  Most likely, if a child doesn’t have his/her Christmas lights outside ’cause the parents said lets reduce our Carbon footprint, then that child will likely look over to his/her friends who have their homes decorated just like most people and go: “hey dad, why can’t we have Christmas lights like my friends?”  Then most likely, if you watch the “culture” among North American kids these days, this child’s friends may say something like: “hey, how come your home isn’t decorated?” with a strange look.  Peer pressure sets in.  The kid without Christmas lights will likely feel left out, like there’s something wrong with him/her.  OK, so they may not feel down over Christmas lights but what about clothes, iPods, sex?  Kids as young as 12 are having sex and if you haven’t lost your virginity by a certain age then your not part of the “in” crowd.  Parents don’t have the time or they don’t have the kind of thinking that they could have fostered within themselves before having a child to show their child what is real, what is not, what is important… the “laws”/truths about how to regard your self and others and how to see through the veil of things like “peer pressure,” not fitting in… things like that.  Isn’t it because we don’t live like that that we have school shootings, teen pregnancy etc?  In Cambodia, children as young as 5 are getting AIDS from being sold into prostitution.  It seems even if you are not physically forced into having sex like in prostitution, kids who have the physical “freedom” to choose what they want to do with their bodies are “imprisoned” by the types of thinking that doesn’t come from the basic “truths” about the way humans really are.  If we keep on doing that, won’t we destroy humanity for good?

About My History

I thought that my soul mate was the one that was trying to get rid of me.  I always took it to mean that the other side was the one that wanted to leave when in fact, it wasn’t the case.  Since moving to Canada, I’ve been meeting a lot of people from my past lives… they all left me.  The person that triggered my past life memory once had a dream where she was trying to stop me from leaving but I said to her that I didn’t want to play with her.  In the physical world, she was the one that left, she was the one that then came back and then seemed to be evolving and I finally told her what I couldn’t tell her 2 centuries ago, which was that I didn’t want to have anything to do with her.  At the time that I told her this, she was in the process of “evolving.”  She gave me a hug and then let me go.  I regretted it and I phoned her only to be told that she thought it was best that we went our separate ways.  She was really being “loving” and all during this time, only to find myself faced with a phone call from her much later and she had completely changed.  She was back to being the person that she was 2 centuries ago, bitter, trying to nit pick on me when all the while she was the one that initiated the call and I thought we had nothing more to say to each other.  I played this “polite” person all the while thinking why in the world is she calling me?  She said that she would call again the next day but never did.  Her energy was almost the same as what it had been when 2 centuries ago, she was my husband and she wouldn’t let me out of the marriage, being bitter and all… the same old stuff.

For a long time, I thought that I was repeating history, my own personal history only to realize last night as my so called soul mate’s energy finally lifted from me for the very first time and I was free and I went through all kinds of realizations and it occurred to me that up until the point where I was about to leave Australia, I was indeed repeating history, but since coming to Canada and meeting with this person that triggered my past life memory, I now see that I was not repeating history at all, but in fact, each person that came into my life from other life times was trying to tell me or show me that I was different now, while when I look back on their behavior, nothing has changed… they’re all not caring.  The thing is, for so long, I’ve been telling myself and believing that there was something wrong with me and I tried so hard to make it up to the other person, only to find myself lost and then rejected in the end and feeling left alone and lonely and sad…  But what’s interesting is that the other side was the one that almost always came into my life… if it was a guy, they were interested in me but for some reason, I never quite responded and when they started to lose interest, for some reason I would somehow start noticing them…. never understood that pattern, never understood why I was putting myself in such position over and over… all the while thinking that there was something wrong with me, that I was this bad person.  It took my soul mate to realize that that was not the case.  With him, I had complete trust in him, believed in him no matter what he did or thought… only to realize that he was the one without moral fiber, and that he was the one repeating history, and I was too blinded by my feelings and belief in him from another life time.  He truly was a great man back then, and I think that energy may still be in him, or maybe it was me that saw it with such “filter.”  Either way, I almost lost myself to him.  I was NOT repeating history at all.  The kind of person that I was when I was young… when I was 3 I apparently dragged this girl who was a bully ’cause she cut in line when all the children were waiting in line and I put her to the back of the line, telling her that she had to wait like everybody else…  my mother told me about that.  I don’t remember doing it.  Why have a father who is so insistent on having the “right mind set” or else humanity won’t survive… the Native elders in the videos that I’ve posted here say the same thing… I want that more than anything.  I fee so free when I look at the elder videos.  My soul mate doesn’t live by that.. I want to live by that.

Unlike 2 centuries ago, I’m not alone being silent with no one to talk to.  I have a friend who has been helping me tremendously, family… When I look at my soul mate’s energy, I now see it’s something which I don’t resonate with… to be frank, I don’t like it, the person that he is right now.  I want to resonate like the elders, like the trees, the rabbits, the water, the air, the Earth… like the Natives once understood and lived by.  I want that.  I don’t want what my soul mate has.  I have yet to process how my tool of past lives fits into all this.  More on this later…

My So Called Soul Mate

It seems my so called soul mate has been trying to get rid of me from the moment that we met.  I didn’t know it, believed in who he is within even though he didn’t live the life of who he is inside.  It took me many months to see what was going on… hurt myself physically, got to a point where my body gave out… all because I believed in him.

He has great powers… but what is a power when you don’t know how it is truly used, what it’s really for?  I guess you could say I have the power of seeing past lives… For some reason, when I look back on my life, I’ve always been drawn to people who were shut out from society, only to discover something tremendously wonderful inside of them that I would be so amazed and wanted to get it out to the surface, only to backfire on me each time… why do I keep on doing this?  What for?  What am I trying to tell myself by doing this.

Maybe he was my mirror…. not caring about the other side when you have all the “power” in the world…  Did he come into my life so that I won’t make the mistake of following the path that he is on right now?  I guess so… Because when I look at the approach that he and I take to using our “gifts” so to speak, he seems totally lost from my view… not with a sense of “moral” question that the elders talk about particularly for someone with as “great” a power as he has.  I don’t have such powers, can’t do the same things that he can… I guess I almost got caught into the world of being “lost” to what is true had I gone along his path.  Sad thing is, there still maybe a part of me that believes in his “potential,” but either way, the path I’ve been now thrown into is not the path where you do things by putting on this veil where it looks like you’re helping or being of use to someone because you have the capability to do so… it’s not to protect myself because others may “attack” you for your abilities, by attacking back….  What kind of life is that really?

Our “Tools” & Responsibility

Not too long ago, I came across someone who I just could not deal with.  This person’s energy was so heart wrenching and all I could see in front of me was this vortex like a black hole and I could not get away.  I was constantly filled with hate and anger… only to find myself years later that this person was my mirror of what I had inside.  In thinking about what is healing… about “common” sense…. I’m now questioning for the first time what the “power” of being able to see past lives is.  This person that I couldn’t deal with was someone that I’d met in another life time, causing so much damage and mayhem to a whole community, killing me in the process.

In looking back now, I was caught in this emotional whirlpool… and then just went along with that.  Prior to that, I’d never even questioned what a past life is… I just took it as something that happened to me… that I remember my other life times… that’s it.  Is this why I was caught in this person’s energy and lost myself?  Is this the reason why dad said to me then that I should steer away from those that I’d met in other life times?  I recently asked dad about this and he said to me that the person that I was such that it was best not to be with those from other life times.  But what about now?  I know someone who is living with those from other life times.  The major difference myself and this person who can happily live with those from other life times is that this person seems to understand something about the “self” which I do not at this present time… though this past week I’ve begun to see bits and pieces of my values.

Responsibility… that’s what one of the elders talks about in one of the videos I posted below: “saving grace.”  Is my “job” to seek and find out what the responsibility of being able to use a tool known as “past life memory”?  Is this the job of each and everyone of us?…. to find out what the gift which each and everyone of us have inside and share them with others so that they may know what each of our human (or possibly beyond humans) capabilities are?  Is this the reason why we are all here?  Is this what the elders mean when they say we are all made of the Earth?

I guess I identified with my “tool,” made it part of my identity, who I am.  But I am not that am I?  No, I don’t think I am.  I can talk with “dead” people but I never wanted to use it just because someone just wanted to talk to a dead person… there was something inside of me that said that I never want to use this tool unless it was truly needed by the person seeking its use.. I just couldn’t do it, just didn’t want to do it like a lot of “psychics” do and make it into an business… yes we all need money to live, but between using this ability and putting myself out there and saying I can converse with dead people and finding some other form of employment, I never hesitated to choosing other forms of employment… I never knew why I felt strongly about this, but I think I do now.  I could not have lived with myself had I gone the business route with this “tool.”  I know I would have gone crazy and killed myself.  I know that, because that’s how strongly I’ve always felt about it… still do… though I would not kill myself now.  So that would mean that I simply do not use my tool unless someone comes along and they are truly in need of it.  I know when someone or the situation that someone brings to my life needs it because the “tool” just comes out and I just start speaking and telling this other person what they seem to need to hear.  I’m like a conduit, being used by my tool… I think that’s how we should all be… that’s how we come to know we are all made of Earth… not taking advantage of it… being controlled by the tool, but becoming a servant to one of many tools that humans possess… that’s it.

My hands are hurting now so I’ll just post this and continue later on.

Healing, What is it? Part 2:

My first post about this topic was written on April 10th, 2009.  Here is the link to that post: http://kaorilog.wordpress.com/2009/04/10/healing-what-is-it-part-1/

A so called “healer” I think is a leader, a student of life.  He or she is someone with the ability to heal or help others, whether it be in the mind, the body, or the spirit.  But this person is not a “healer.”  I think if you lodge yourself into this kind of label and thinking that you are a “healer,” then I think you will eventually lose your way in the end… particularly if you are not looking at yourself as a human being with lessons to learn, mistakes to make, people to hurt… things like that.  But if you look at yourself simply as a person with the ability (and nothing more) to somehow bring some kind of change in a person so that the person who is “injured” can find his or her own way in life again, then you may be on your way to leading a life where you are truly serving others and yourself with your own unique gift to “heal.”  Unfortunately, people with such unique gifts often get caught up in the power and the wonder of their own abilities that they lose their way and forget what their gift and their being born is all about. In one of the videos that you see below in the post titled: “saving grace,” an elder talks about how if you don’t have a moral question in your corporation (he was addressing corporate CEOs), then your business will not survive in the end.  I think the same is true for a person with unique gifts to heal… but also the same applies to each and every one of us.  It’s just that the person with the unique ability to heal others have an added responsibility to seek and understand the meaning of healing, instead of thinking that you just “apply” your ability whenever someone requests a healing, or use it to shield yourself if someone comes your way to “attack” your abilities and question whether you are truly a “healer” or not.  I think someone who can truly see their unique gift as simply an ability and not something that “defines” who they are then that person is well on his/her way of becoming a leader… a leader who can utilize their unique gifts… and when this person can view his/herself  in such a way, I think this person will also be able to “see” and then eventually harness the unique gifts in others… then there’s balance… balance between the needs of the one that needs healing and the “healer.”

I think it takes tremendous courage to steer away from the “power” of an ability to heal others and see it SIMPLY as one ability that we humans possess and can utilize.  I wouldn’t know what that power feels like, when you can manifest real change in someone… is this why people like Mao Zedong, Lenin, or others who became leaders but somehow succumbed to the power of such a position?  I think the key is to “serve.”  If you can come from the heart to simply offer your abilities to serve someone, like a child coming up to you to offer a simple flower that he picked up on the side of the road to give it to you… that kind of feeling… and know that you too are in need of healing as well, because just like everybody else you are simply a student of life… then that’s when “healing” can really take place.

Blinded

I think I was blinded by my heart that only knew things from the past.  I know saying that makes no sense to someone reading this, but it’s all tied in with a situation where when you meet someone from another life time.  Through the course of these past several months, I basically spiraled down to the very bottom in every sense, only to find myself having to face with the facts about me.  Because of my undying belief and conviction about someone that I’ve met in another life, and how my heart never wavered towards this person, I could not see who this person really was in this life.  Similarly, I could not see what was “common sense”– this is something that the Hopi elder talks about in one of the videos that you will find below in my post titled: “saving grace.”  He says that we are born with common sense, that’s why it’s called “common” sense.  In Lemuria, we all had that common sense intact I think.  But I wonder if we knew that we had it.  I wonder if we really felt it inside.  I wonder if I felt it within…

Saving Grace

These videos literally saved my life recently.  I never felt such peace, particularly watching the first 3 videos.  Which is why I titled it “Saving Grace.”

Acceptance

For years I struggled to change the negativity that I’ve been accumulating without knowing it.  That’s what I kind of wrote on my History page.  I also wrote that I’ve been trying to find a “way out of it.”  With what I’m going through right now, it occurred to me that finding a way “out” is not the way to go.  Finding a way “out” of something is still moving along that scale that goes from the so called positive to the negative and vice versa… well, at least that’s the way that I’m still looking at things that are inside of me.

For the past couple of days I’ve been noticing how I’ve got this enormous amount of pain inside and it’s so overwhelming.  Time is ticking, as all things have its “time”… if I keep on going like this I guess the pain will just continue to accumulate till it will completely deadlock me.  I think that’s what dad meant when he said that momentum keeps on growing if you can’t see the “opportunity” in each “predicament.”

I kind of lost my thought again… may write again on this later…

Sleep Well, Sov Gott

Simple Gifts

“Doing” Time… All of us

Annuaki/Anu

I’m having a hard time figuring out whether to leave the page for “Anu.”  I don’t know much about them except from my own dealings with them and also from the bits of information that I’ve found on the internet after I began talking with them.  At the moment, I have not had any kind of contact with them whatsoever.  They don’t talk to me and I don’t talk to them.  I don’t get this whole idea of the Annuaki or the Annunaki or Anu being fallen angels and they are evil.  I think it plays in with why Atlantis was created.  Dad once said to me, if Lemuria was utopia, why did Atlantis come into being?  Why did the two worlds have to collide (if they did)?  But the fact of the matter is, we don’t have Lemuria or utopia right now… or do we?  I’m not here to take sides as to whether the Annuaki (that’s the name that they told me, not Annunaki with the “n”) are good or bad.  But if you consider about how you can’t know up without down, love without hatred, and hatred without love, then don’t we at least need to listen to the other side so we can understand what it is that we are doing here, on planet Earth, destroying our “house”, ourselves yet wanting something that is pain free and peace?  Or do we want war, destruction like before?  What is peace really then?  Are we not capable of great acts of kindness and sheer “evil” like the Holocaust and what is taking place right now in Sudan?

All I know right now that all this talk about the Annuaki, whether they are evil or not and so we should avoid them at all costs does not matter at all if it’s “looked at” purely in that context.  For me, questioning whether the Annuaki are evil and so I should avoid them doesn’t help me with my own personal issues.  But my own personal issues are “tied in” with this notion of parts of me that is “nice” and like “warts.”  Isn’t what’s happening inside of us also happening on a global scale?  Why is it that we see on the news about pain and so much suffering and each time it gets worse and worse. Isn’t it because it’s inside each one of us?  I’m not saying everyone is capable of great acts of cruelty.  Or am I?  I know that the notion of killing or maiming someone is not in my blood so to speak, but what if I did in another life time?  The only past life memory that I have are those of me being a victim, but dad once said to me that I did the exact opposite, that I hurt and maimed others.  I don’t have access to those memories though I have tried and I was able to see very few glimpses and I saw my energy being filled with hatred.  Now having just said all that, I’m sure who ever is reading this will probably go: “ok, this is nutty, she’s evil, she’s possessed by the Annuaki or the devil…”  Yes, it does scare me to know that that is a possibility because I do want to be liked, I don’t want to be shunned.  I think the reason why I even began writing this particular post is because I think when people find my page about the Annuaki, then they will just immediately turn the other way.  That hurts me…

I’m finding that since I met my soul mate, I’m finding myself owning up and really admitting to parts of myself that I don’t like, those parts of myself that I didn’t know I had… the part where I’m hurting people even if I don’t intend to.  I also see how discovering all this ties in with the fall of Lemuria and Atlantis… my past life history.  If Lemuria was “perfect” why did it have to fall?  Why did I end up with a dad that understands the mechanism of “pairs of opposites”… how we have love/hate, joy/sadness etc.  I can’t help but wonder if I’m trying to bridge or maybe merge the two worlds, Lemuria-Atlantis, love-hate inside… ’cause doesn’t each person “contribute” in the way in which the “outer” world is shaped, the “outer” world meaning the world in which we collective share and experience at the same time?  For example, say I’m in a really bad mood and snap at a clerk at a grocery store ’cause of my bad mood.  Unless that clerk is an understanding person then the likelihood of that person being able to “neutralize” that negativity from me would be slim.  Unless you have a strong energy within you that can “deflect” or handle energy that is the opposite of “love,” then I think you end up somehow accumulating the negativity that you pick up from such encounters.  I think this is how we pass along from person to person and it spreads because that store clerk may pass it along to the next person and so on.  Don’t we do this with our own children?  Don’t we pass along stuff that we picked up from our life experiences?  Unless a child grows up with a strong sense of self, then that child will likely grow up without knowing that he/she picked up thought patterns and way of existing from his/her parents.

Getting back to the part about the Annuaki… I said earlier that I hurt when I’m shunned because I’ve talked with them.  Well, don’t you think maybe the Annuaki are hurting too?  All those people that are labelled or considered as evil because of what they have done, their actions and all… well, don’t they hurt too?  I think I’ve looked at people who have done “wrong” whether to me personally or in the news like pedophiles and murderers as being nothing but “pure” evil.. that they are like objects or machines, only capable of hateful and destructive things.  But in the midst of all the hateful and destructive energy that they carry inside aren’t there moments when they hurt, or maybe find joy in something and laugh too, just like they did when they were first born?  I’m not trying to “justify” any hurtful things that I do or have done or others have done… just trying to “see” what’s really going on.  Why is it that the pain and suffering in the world is sky rocketing and not getting better?  Why is it that in Sudan (I think that’s where it was) gang rape is a weapon of “choice” and it’s been that way for years now?  Why do we need to see that as human beings?  What for?  Could it not be possible that those who perpetrate “crimes” and hurtful things do so because we don’t recognize the pain inside of them as well and see them as beings, not some “half” beings only capable of one thing–causing hurt to others.  Isn’t the reason why they cause hurt is because they have so much of hurt inside of them?  What makes us feel hurt?  What is hurt?  What do we do with an understanding when emotions are involved?  Would I really be able to let go of my hurt that’s been accumulating since birth and even from before then?  What do I do with the hurt that I have inside when a school boy in Grade 6 said to me that I was so ugly in Australia?  I could see the hurt inside of him, he was someone who was not at all self confident.  But even with this new realization that I just wrote about, what do I do with the hurt inside because of that particular experience?  If I say I understand but my emotions don’t change, then does it mean that I have really understood something?  I’m getting rather dizzy again so I’ll end things here for now…

Communicate